Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Latest Ponderings

Whoo! May has been a CRAZY month for me! I finally finished my undergrad career (my mom did too!), in the final stages of becoming a "real" adult and having a FT job, and, after much soul-searching, have decided to attend graduate school to obtain my Master's of Public Health! Add all this on top of DH & I starting on our TTC journey to give Baby M a sibling.  She has lately become obsessed with babies-on TV, on the computer, anywhere! As soon as she sees a baby, she starts oohing and ahhing over it with a big grin on her face.  We hope that she will be the same with a real baby!

Speaking of another baby, I wanted to write about something that has been on my heart for a few months.  As you may or may not know, DH and I have been talking about having another child for a couple of months now.  The other day, I had a heart-to-heart with myself about my true intentions for wanting another child.  Of course, there's the obvious that we want to open our hearts and home to other little blessings from God but I wondered if other reasons were at play.  I thought back to my birth experience with Baby M.  Being our first, we didn't know what to expect so we attended Bradley classes and hired a doula.  Well, when the time came, much of what we learned and practiced went out of the window because of all the interventions that take place in a hospital birth.  I labored for close to 30 hours in which time, I gave in to the pain and received an epidural.  This went against everything that I envisioned for my "perfect" birth and it took me a while before I accepted it and came to terms with it.  Basically, I said all that to say this: is my wanting another child misguided? Am I wanting one because I truly want it or am I doing this because I want a chance to have the birth I always dreamed of? I don't want that child to be born with the perfect birth and I love him or her more than I do Baby M because of that.  Maybe I am just completely over-analyzing this.  I would love to hear from you, especially those of you who know where I'm coming from!


iheartasquid said...

I think you want a baby because your heart is SO big and you have SO much love to give... and Mackers needs a baby sister/brother... You are such an amazing mommy... trust your heart.

newmama2010 said...

Thanks hun!! That's what I believe too-I just felt unsure about it all. Hopefully baby #2 is "made" as easily as Mac was!

Weather Anchor Mama said...

Hi Shakeeta!! Stumbled across you blog and read your post! If a baby is what you want, then may you and your hubby be blessed. I have a little girl myself and she is a blessing to her mommy and daddy. Like you, I wanted the "perfect birth." I tried to hold out, but ended up giving in and getting the epidural. So, I know what you mean. It doesn't mean you love baby Mackenzie any less. It's ok to set goals, but you shouldn't feel bad if you can't meet them. You'll do great either way:) Your baby is absolutely beautiful!:)

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